Dah solar eclipse is gonna swallow your soul!
I swear these folks think the world is help up by an elephant!
The moon landing was fake.
The earth is flat.
A deep state exists.
Trump never tells a lie.
There are many disturbing, fallacious things that people believe, some of them to the point of martyring themselves or others—ask Galileo.
All the poor dude did was prove we are not the center of the universe, and man, did the Bible thumpers and politicos of his era freak dafuque out. You would have thought he’d asked them to wear a mask during a pandemic or something.
He was right and shit, but does it matter—hundreds of years past his death, and we have people who want to drag us back to our cave-dwelling days when snow, rain, and dying wheat were sure harbingers of death and destruction.
Take Majorie Taylor Green, for instance.
Now, I am never quite sure what Madame Greene is on about, but recently, it appears she is flinging poo about the solar eclipse. According to some, the rapture may even occur.
Rapture? Make it so, number one.
Hell, even Sarah Huckabee Sanders declared a flipping state of emergency over it. Don’t believe me? Read below:
She’s (Sanders) now declared a state of emergency in Arkansas over the upcoming eclipse. Yes, the eclipse. The press release says that this is because so many outsiders are traveling into Arkansas in order to view the eclipse, and that may be legitimate. But the optics here are beyond dumb.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders is making it look like the people of Arkansas are so stupid that they need a state of emergency to keep them from staring at an eclipse or something. That’s not true. But Sanders clearly doesn’t understand the optics here.
Nor does she appear to be able to grasp that the eclipse is an economic opportunity for the fine people of her state. If this many people are pouring into Arkansas to see the eclipse, shouldn’t the Governor have been focused all along on making the most of the economic boom, instead of just declaring an emergency at the last minute? — Palmer Report
That child has lost her damn mind, bless her Grinch-sized heart. Thankfully, her ass is about to get tossed into jail over a lectern…
Not to be outdone in the MAGA game of Who’s Most Stupid, Marjorie Taylor Green (MTG for short) is going around claiming The Good Lawd is trying to send us a message about repentance or going to church or something via earthquakes and eclipses:
Greene wrote on X, formerly Twitter, on Friday, "God is sending America strong signs to tell us to repent. Earthquakes and eclipses and many more things to come. I pray that our country listens." — Newsweek
I noted in the Newsweek article that the reporter describes MTG as a Republican leader with “far-right views.” Thinking that God is sending pestilence and destruction because dah gays somehow hurt his fragile fee-fees is simply a far-right view?
That’s some hard-hitting journalism right there, ladies and gents. To quote one X-formerly-known-as -Twitter commenter from the same article:
"Earthquakes happen all the time, all around the world," the community note read. "Eclipses are not random, they follow strict mathematical rules and can be predicted centuries before they happen. NASA has a site listing eclipses until the year 3000.
Oh, those pesky facts — or alternative facts for some folks. Hey, people have never let facts get in the way of a Good Big Foot story.
Marge’s boyfriend even defended her, saying that those of us who don’t want to live in a world that believes some muscle bound guy named Atlas is holding up the earth are going straight to hell (see video in Meidas Touch Article)—because, reasons.
Managing to ramp up the crazy a millionfold, Brian Glenn had this to say:
Echoing Marjorie Taylor Greene concerns over earthquakes and the eclipse occurring around the same time, Greene's boyfriend, Right Side Broadcasting Network producer Brian Glenn, posted his own video warning of potential "fallout" from Monday's total eclipse "combined with earthquakes," reawakened locusts "who will suddenly attack mankind," and claimed Biden is trying to start a war with Iran. Funny how right wing pundits like Glenn skip over the ramifications of Trump's dismantling of the Iran deal which was designed to bring stability and peace while discouraging the development of nuclear weapons—Meidas Touch Network
But, you know, while I laugh, I can’t help but think of the adage that those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.
Voltaire may have been on to something there.
God turns to Peter and Michael: Hey guys, I'm gonna schedule that eclipse on 4/8/24 like we discussed. It'll be right after that earthquake in NJ (LOL), so people will be freaking the fuck OUT. It'll be wild. See if we can get any comets lined up around that time too...talk to Gabriel, he's great with that shit.
Well, it appears that rapture did not rupture. Would have been more fun with cool aid